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The “right” choice in fear is the “wrong” choice

Creating the Unprecedented, Self Development0 comments


Any choice, even if its the “right” one, if based in fear, I say is the “wrong” choice.
Let’s say you are positive and really do know the “right” choice to make. If that decision is motivated by any sort of fear, the way that you interact with the world and everyone in it while you are in that fearful and scarce place will just produce the very thing you are trying to get away from! Acting out of fear, results in ruining the good and right thing we were trying set out to do.
Let’s take a high school relationship example. I remember a time when I still wanted to be with “the girl” and she no longer wanted to be with me. I responded to this supposed rejection with a fear induced appearance of love. It looked like doing nice things for her and promising a different future in hopes of changing her feelings of no longer wanting that future with me. My supposed love, was really just acts of control because I feared losing her.
The fear based attempt to force love will only produce more resistance from the other person. In my story, it might look like a girl filing a restraining order! This concept might be harder to identify in everyday life scenarios.
Maybe these will be more familiar:
  • Stay in abusive or draining relationships solely because we believe we can’t do better and would hate to be alone.
  • Continue to do what you have always done, even though you just barely tolerate what you do. The fear of facing the unknown and going for what you really want is far more painful then the life you tolerate.
  • Begrudgingly  staying in a role that limits who you want to be, because of your fear of rejection or disappointing a loved one. (This is common with parents, spouses or anyone who has known your past, and for the sake of keeping their own role in tact, they try to keep you where you have been.)

As humans we have two primary decision making filters. One is primary of the other. We make decisions to:

  1. Move away from what we don’t want (fear, scarcity)
  2. Move toward what we do want (abundance).

Most people tend to do make most decisions based on the first. Again, the problem of this fearful way of keeping your life together, is that you end up becoming a person that ends up messing up even good decisions!

There is a better way to live. Put your energy into what you do want, in your goals, in your dreams. Keep your focus there and watch how your life and opportunity opens up for you. I have a simple way to keep your focus on what you want, instead of what you don’t want. Before acting, carefully consider your response to both of these two questions.

  1. What would I do right now if I wasn’t afraid?
  2. Is this action moving towards my goals?

If the answer is moving towards  your goal, do it!

This of course presupposes you have clear goals. You do have clear goals right? Right!??

Bound To Succeed

Creating the Unprecedented, Getting What You Want Insight, Self Development0 comments

There was once a young leader seeking the council of a famous elder that was known for wisdom and creativity and leadership. The young leader traveled far and finally stood before him. He asked, “Wise elder, how can I become the wise leader that you are?” The elder quickly said, “Making right decisions” and then was silent. After a short while of enduring the silence, surprised that there was nothing more, the young leader pressed a bit more. “Ok… thank you… Please help me wise elder, how can one such as I then make right decisions?” The elder quickly said, “Experience” and then was silent.” After another short while of enduring the silence again, needing much more, the young leader started to get frustrated and pressed again. “Please wise elder, please help me. How can one such as I get experience then?!” The elder quickly said, “Making bad decisions.”

What stops us most in life is when we stop trying for fear of making bad decisions or making a bad decision “again”. Ironically, this very process, if stayed in it, would bring you all that you have ever hoped life would give you.
So what do you want? Get clear on that. Fail forward and you are bound to succeed.

“Drift, Wait and Obey”

Creating the Unprecedented0 comments

 

“I drift, wait and obey” – Harold Arlen

Harold Arlen is the composer who was charged to write the score for the classic movie The Wizard of Oz. He wrote every piece of music for the movie and was very pleased with his work. Yet he knew there was still the one song that would pull the whole experience together. He knew it wouldn’t be complete without that one song, yet was a blank. Instead of resisting and being frustrated about his lack of creativity for this most pivotal part, he decided to do what may seem like the last thing he should do. He went on a date with his wife. He stepped away and decided to enjoy his lunch time. On way home a burst of inspiration came over him and he told his wife to pull over from driving. He quickly scribbled out whole song on scrap paper. The song was “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”. And it did make the whole movie come together.

Insight comes from waiting silently in the space of not knowing.

Don’t resist. Don’t even resist not resisting. Go and be open to the best answer you would have missed if you stayed distraught about not having the “right” answer! Or in the light of Harold’s quote, when you have a problem that you do not have a solution for, allow yourself to drift and wait and when the answer comes, obey.