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8 Criteria To Designing The Beliefs That Unconsciously Control You

Featured, Increase Performance2 comments

Designed beliefs are commonly referred to as affirmations. And just in case you are about to tune out with, “Affirmations?! Does that fluffy, weird stuff even work??” give me a couple minutes. You’ll thank me afterward.

Whether you are already on board the affirmation bandwagon, or think it is a bunch of bull-pucky, you are already participating in belief design, even as you read this.

“What!” … Yes its true. Sorry. You are already one of ‘those people’ that do affirmations. Consider this story.

Not so long back I had a meeting with a client and it didn’t go like I hoped it would. Ok, I felt it was a disaster! Hours and days after that meeting I brought back the meeting to my memory and felt the pain of it all over again. My most painful thoughts were things like “I really blew that one” and “I screwed up again” and “I won’t get that business back” or “I wish I would have…” or “I can’t believe I said that!” or just “Uhhhhh!” I think you get the picture. Depending on how much I wanted to suffer, I would think these thoughts over and over and be so focused on that one event that I missed experiencing every other wonderful event going on in my life.

Can you relate in some degree to this? If so, your beliefs set you up to win or lose. If you can’t or haven’t ever experienced this, you either lie like a rug, or should be my next guru. Please contact me if you are the latter.

Our repeated thoughts, AKA beliefs, control how we engage in the world around us. A strong belief that people will accept me and a belief that I will win sets me up to ignore contrary evidence. These beliefs help me engage in life and keep on engaging until I get what I want. In contrast, a strong belief that I will be rejected and I will probably lose sets me up to see the abundant evidence that this is also true. This set of beliefs can lead me to quit. At best, I may say, “This is just how it is for me.” It is common to submit to a life that is merely tolerable and slap a label of “happy” on it. This is not happy.

So how do you design a new belief? One answer is affirmations.

A belief is a thought or idea that past the filter of the conscious mind to the subconscious mind. Once there the subconscious will repeats that idea over and over and over. This unconscious repetition creates what we call a feeling or a belief. If the thought or idea focuses on what we want it is a good feeling. If the thought or idea focuses on what we do not want it is a bad feeling. It is that simple.

A thought gets through the conscious to the subconscious in three main ways.

  • The First Way: Your first ideas get to the subconscious. As a kid you didn’t know any better. You didn’t have prominent beliefs yet. Your well intending authorities, helpful or unhelpful, gave their ideas as true and were accepted fully by you as “True”. This is a scary, since the only barrier to entry to get to this position of authority is to be able to procreate.
  • The Second Way: Emotionally Charged Ideas get to the subconscious. Any thought consistently feared or revered becomes a belief and ends up unconsciously guiding what you see.
  • The Third Way: Repeated Ideas get to the subconscious. This is the self-talk that we do all the time.

Belief design focuses on the 2nd and 3rd way. It is a chosen thought that is repeated enough times to over-power former ideas that didn’t work as well. Note the old belief doesn’t go away. This explains a lot about curious human behavior. I will write more about that at a later time.

The idea behind using affirmations as a tool to getting-what-you-want is to consciously overpower subconscious beliefs that are not working for you with new beliefs that work.

Another way to say all this is, choosing who you are will influence what you do, which in turn influences/creates what you have. This order creates fulfillment and full engagement and being READY now. This is a great alternative to continually striving for some vague criteria to accomplish, so that “one day” you will be ready.

HOW TO MAKE AN EFFECTIVE AFFIRMATION

8 Criteria To Effective Belief Design:

#1. Have an affirmation for each of your clear goals.

I cannot stress the importance of having a clear goal. A tool I use to make sure goals are clear enough to be helpful is the S.M.A.R.T. acronym.

  • S: Is your goal Specific?
  • M: Is it Measureable? Or can you know for sure if you do or don’t accomplish it. (“Be happier” is a tough one to distinguish. I wouldn’t settle for that one.)
  • A: Attractive. Do you really want this goal? Are you willing to go through the pain of transformation to get this?
  • R: Realistic. Is this an attainable goal with your current skill set, time and resources?
  • T: Timely. Is this goal possible to accomplish in a small enough time frame? Maybe you can chunk it down to smaller peaces of that main big goal.

I like to add Unprecedented (never happened before for you) and Bold (Daring) as well to the mix. This leaves you with “U B SMART” to remember the whole thing.

#2. Start with “I am” to bring into present tense.

This is what made my negative rant I opened this with so powerful. I’d say to myself, “I can’t believe (present tense) I did that!” over and over. Here is a positive version. “I am making $100,000 a year” not “I will be making $100,000.”

#3. Make it a positive declaration.

“I don’t want to hate my wife”, doesn’t work. The subconscious does hear negatives. So it would just hear the request to, “Hate my wife”, which is most likely not a useful belief.

#4. Use Action Verbs.

“I am living, making, earning, loving,” etc.

#5. Keep the statement brief.

#6. Include at least one feeling word that reflects the emotion of having achieved the goal.

“I am excited to, thankfully, gratefully, happily,” etc.

#7. Design your beliefs for yourself only, not others.

“I am so happy my wife massages me daily and is actively learning how to serve me better every day,” doesn’t work. You make goals for you to do.

#8. Repeat for 30 days… AT LEAST 30 DAYS.

According to a NASA study, it takes 25 to 30 days to create the new neural pathways necessary to see the world differently. It’s best to say your affirmation in the morning when first get up and evening as go to bed.  And when you do it, make sure to imagine how great it will be. Emotion AND repetition is the perfect recipe for new creation.

Here is an example.

I am so thankful to easily and effortlessly be making $100,000 a year as a keynote speaker.

Now it is your turn! Get clear on what you want and go through the eight steps to get an effective affirmation that will set you up to win. Email me or post your affirmation on this blog when you finish.

My affirmation that I say every morning before I get up and every evening when I finally lay down is:

“God is my infinite supply. He easily sends large sums of money to me as I easily and effortlessly make $100,000 a month speaking and coaching.”

Thinking about that one feels great! Can’t wait to hear yours. 🙂

Cheers,

Jevon

Fierce Conversations Interview

Featured, Leadership Training0 comments

I was interviewed by David Trotter for his Launch 52 TV site. The full video is below or check it out at Launch 52 site!

LAUNCH52tv #9 – Jevon Perra from David Trotter on Vimeo.

What isn’t “supposed to be” [Part 2]

Featured, Life Insight0 comments

My last blog was ‘My thoughts on what is not supposed to be.” I related my embarrassing tale of my unsuccessful attempt to get back my ex-girlfriend and my interaction with the hairy man in his boxers that did get the girl. If you missed that, read 12/31/10 blog first.

There is a freeing power in accepting the events, people and the choices of your past. And I mean accepting everything fully. Even the stuff as painful as loosing the girl that you broke up with to teach her a lesson! Then the girl get a new boyfriend instead of begging to come back! … I mean, generally speaking that is. Anyway… We spoke of the peace and freedom that comes from accepting everything that happened REALLY WAS the way it was SUPPOSED TO BE.

I just want to acknowledge how inconsistent that may sound. If that is so for you, I would like to add this distinction. The way “it” is “supposed to be” is not same as the way “I prefer” “it” to be. Making these two statements synonymous will bring you much sorrow. I say, when you choose to say of anything that it is exactly the way it is “supposed to be”, you free yourself from a heavy weight. The weight is from attempting to change what really is. It is like saying “I am not in Missouri” when I am standing in the state of Missouri just because I freezing in the cold weather that comes in January when you are there. I will bring much suffering to myself by making my mantra “I shouldn’t be in Missouri!”. It is really insanity to even consider that such a repeated thought about an un-preferred situation will bring me something that I do prefer. Yet if I were to accept the reality of the sub-zero temperatures there in Missouri and choose to shift my attention to, “How do I get to California?”, I would soon notice how much energy and creativity would instantly be created. I would instantly see countless opportunities to get what I want that were previously hidden due to my resistance to how reality was not what it was supposed to be.

What causes our suffering is not the circumstances of the world around us, but our beliefs of the world around us. When we believe that something should be different than it is (“My husband should love me more,” “My wife should appreciate me”, “My dog shouldn’t have peed on my pillow”) we suffer, and when we don’t believe these thoughts, we feel peace.

Now pay attention here. This is when we turn the corner from ashes to beauty.

What happens when you allow yourself to accept it all as perfect? And by perfect I mean that it happened exactly the way it was supposed to happen. What happens? …You finally take your eyes off of that tragedy of the past, all that stuff you do not prefer and enable yourself to look at where life is at this moment.

Taking your eyes off of the life you don’t want and on to the life you do is almost the whole battle.

The great Apostle said, “I want you to be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil.” In other words, don’t spend any energy on the bad stuff! You create more of that which you focus on. We think we are protecting ourself by focusing on all that we don’t want in our life. We think that this will help us, so we can know how to avoid it. But this is exactly the opposite! Our conscious brain has a limit to what it can think about at any given time. It is from 3 to 40 bits of information at a time. Not a whole lot. When we are looking out for all the problems you know are there, you take up the limited awareness space with looking for those problems. And trust me, if you look there is always a problem or something you don’t prefer to find. The price you pay is all the possibility that is missed because your problems became your focus. Allow me to illustrate.

The closest star to the planet Earth is the sun. It is so big, if you hollowed out the sun you could fit 1.3 million Earths inside of it and still have room to spare! Despite this nearly inconceivable size, if you hold up your thumb close enough to your eye you can blot it entirely out of the sky. And so with the painful events of our life. If we keep spending our energy on readdressing and pondering over these events we can entirely blot out the rich, exciting and fulfilling life that is also right in front of us. But we don’t even see it! All we see is problems. Just changing where you put your attention can enable you to see the life hiding behind your horrible story.

T.S. Eliot, arguably the most important English-language poet of the 20th century, masterfully captured this when he said, “We must not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time.”

I think this is what Isaiah was getting at when he told this to the Israelite people.

“He sent me to preach good news to the poor, 
heal the heartbroken, announce freedom to all captives, 
pardon all prisoners. … and to comfort all who mourn, …
give them beauty instead of ashes, 
Messages of joy instead of news of doom, 
a praising heart instead of a languid spirit. 
…They’ll rebuild the old ruins, 
raise a new city out of the wreckage. 
They’ll start over on the ruined cities, 
take the rubble left behind and make it new.”
– Isaiah 61, The Bible

You are that city. This is your calling. It is to take this life, even the parts you would consider ruined, and say, “The past is how it was supposed to be since there is no changing it and the future is just the result of what I choose now.” If we could really believe this, we would free ourselves. We’d be freed from the crippling weight of a self-imposed responsibility to change an event that doesn’t exist anymore. This is because it is in the past! And only place a past event can still exist is in your mind.

So how can you have the best life ever even when all hell is breaking out around you? The first step is accepting that what is happening around you is supposed to be happening. Giving yourself permission to do this will free you from finding all you don’t want and to see the optimal life and opportunity that is right in front of you. Keep your eyes on your vision. Don’t waist an ounce of energy on the thousand reasons why you will fail or what is or has been “wrong”. Instead, I recommend following the great apostle’s advice:

I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.”
The letter to the Philippians 4, The Bible

Jesus from Galilee, the great teacher said, “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” Notice Jesus did not say ‘I will fix the world’. The world is going to stay the way it is. Your issues are as they should be. Here is the beauty from ashes.

Your issues are real AND you can choose life.

The Man from Galilee was a beautiful example of overcoming and being life in the midst of a world of many issues. A world the way I think it “should be” (the way I’d prefer) is not available at this time. But, you are called to a higher life to be “IN, but not OF the world.” You, like the rest of the happy people in the world, are called to overcome the perfect trials in this world. And every time you do, every time you take your attention off the issues and put your attention onto the life you have and you’d prefer, you become more peaceful, more joyful, more excited, more loving and life gets better.

Experiment with this. You will love it!

In fact, once you get on board with this concept, it works so well that it’s almost like the world is exactly the way it should be.

So What!
If you suffer, or are stuck and can’t get going, Contact Me.
Along with getting my clients results, first I get people unstuck. And along the way I help free you from your suffering.

To your success,
– Jevon

Creating a New Life and New Results from Telling a New Story!

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Consider this tricky little story.

A man is driving his son to school. They get into an accident and the man dies. The son is rushed to the hospital. When he arrives for emergency surgery the doctor says,
“I can’t operate on this boy, HE’S MY SON!”

If you are like me, you may be asking yourself, how can this be? The father died in the car crash! Can he be there at the hospital? But there is another world that exists right before your eyes that you may be blind to. I’ll come back to this in a second.

What are you so sure is REAL that you have never bothered or even felt the need to challenge it? This is an especially potent question when considering beliefs that keep you in fear and pain. Just like in Alcoholics Anonymous, the first step is to admit you have a problem. The problem here is settling for anything less then an abundant, peaceful, exciting life. As a human, you are a meaning machine. You are working at full speed to create a story for every bit of information that pops into your brain. Recognizing this story telling habit is the first step to realizing that the culprit for your life being exactly the way it is right now… is you.

Could this be true?

Consider the story above. What if I told you that the doctor in the hospital that exclaimed, “He’s my son!” was the boy’s MOTHER. Were you one of the majority that said, “The doctor is a man. But the man died. Thus, because of the story that I am currently telling, doctors are men, this story does not make sense”? How often do you pass on life changing opportunities, because the story you are telling literally blinds you from even seeing the opportunity.

The first step to create an alternate you, is recognizing the story you are currently telling. And you are telling a story. Once you become aware, then it’s just a matter of telling a different story about the same event to have an alternative experience. Imagine life going from drab to amazing with just a different story!

Back in around 1996 I was working at a real estate loan company. It was my goal to be the best and make a lot of money. As it turned out I ended up the best and making a lot of money while I was there. The height of my goals being achieved was being awarded the top funder of the month award out of 1000 employees. So to think back, how did that happen? It definitely was not by accident. The success really was created by the story I told myself. Since the day I was hired there, I told myself I was going to do whatever it took to be the best in the company. I made a dramatic shift in the way I looked at my life. Instead of asking myself, “I wonder IF I can be the best?”, I asked something very different. I would continually ask myself, “HOW CAN I be the best?” This question prompted me to show up to work earlier and stay later than my peers. This question prompted me to pursue the long time “stars” of the company for advise, even though I was told I wasn’t allow to bother them. I sat for a whole afternoon once and just watched the top salesman in the company work. I just sat there and took notes. I applied the notes and practiced small disciplines that I learned every day. The result from all this, I became the top funder. Bam!

I love that story. It would be nice if all my stories were like that. But as life is, the price of success tends to be its weight in failures.

As failures go, I will share one of my favorites. Not too many years back I brokered a real estate transaction between a pension fund company and national bank. This was no ordinary real estate deal. It consisted of multiple purchases spanning for 3 years from the national bank by the pension fund company that could have racked up a bill into the billions. That’s right, billions. I had structured the transaction so that my partner and I would have received a ¼ of a percentage of each transaction. That may seem like a bad commission compared to a normal real estate agent making 3%, but not with big numbers like that. Upon the completion of the transaction, my partner and I were to receive approximately, depending on the pools of real estate purchased, $80,000 per month for the three year contract. That is $2,880,000. This is not a bad commission check.

Now, your probably guessing that something went wrong. You are right. It went sour when the pension fund backed out of escrow. By the bank pulling all the funds out of escrow, the deal was killed and with it my lovely earnings. I ask myself, was there a story I was telling that had a part in creating this outcome? My answer is Yes.

I was holding onto a belief that someone better, someone more capable and experienced than me needed to be the point person between these two huge companies. After all, I had never done a transaction like this. I told myself that my business partner was this person. Its important to note here that this belief of mine didn’t come from what was really happening. I was the one who found the national bank with the discounted inventory of real estate. I was the one who found the institutional organization who had the capital to purchase in that kind of volume. I am the one who put together the contracts. I am the one who knew how intricate this transaction had to play out. I knew the key to this deal happening was communication of each party’s expectations to each other. If there were any surprises the trust would be compromised and one or both parties would back out. Yet, even with all that evidence of my competence, I had a story going in the back of my head that I needed someone “more experienced” to make sure this complex deal was executed just right.

In the end, the small details that I knew were being neglected came out. Just hours before escrow was going to release all monies the buyer backed out due to these exact miscommunicated details. My story was that I was not experienced enough to fight for this level of business. This story created how I did and did not interact with all parties. My story contributed or maybe was completely at fault for the failure I experienced.

$2.8 million bummer.

So what is the story that you are telling yourself? Answer a couple good questions to figure out your stories that are not helping you. See if you see a pattern.

Fill in the blank.
“I would be happy if _________”
“I will be successful when _________”
“My life would be working, but _____________”
“My business/work would be successful if __________”
“Things would be better if ________________”
“Things are good, but _____________”

Consider that what you fill in those blanks reveal a story that keep you from the success and fulfillment that is available right now. Consider that you are ready and capable of fully engaging in the life opportunity you are in right now. You are the one to make it work. If you don’t, you are the one that lets it die. This is your life. If it works or if it doesn’t work, your stories determine whether you engage or not. Your engagement determines the results you create or don’t create.

It has been said there are two great pains in life. The pain of discipline and the pain of regret. The discipline for me is doubting myself and going for it anyway. The pain of discipline always involves giving up your right for comfort. But if you are are committed to comfort, know that you are not escaping the pain. Of the two pains, regret is the worse. Its the pain of thinking back and knowing you could have done more or at least done something. Its the pain of, “What would have happened if….”. So what will you choose, the pain of discipline or regret? Either way you have to pay.