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With loose socks, your failure locks.

Business Growth, Increase Performance0 comments

I am a profit and sales strategist. My specialty is human behavior. I help companies raise the bar of what is possible in performance and sales that creates 30% increases within 90 days. Here is what I do and how I do it. Why not apply this so you can do it too.

 

Just like a high end athlete can’t raise the bar just by trying harder, neither can you. Bad habits, strategy and beliefs will always leave you with bad results. Even worse, we are trying to do it with painful blisters that make every step painful. This causes involuntary holding back that sabotages our success. Basketball coach John Wooden won ten NCAA (National Collegiate Athletic Association) national championships in a 1

I am trained to see and remove those loose socks that you and your team have allowed that are causing the blisters and keeping you from your success. Tight sight makes it right. Then we design and implement strategy is to get to the results that have been waiting for you.2-year period, seven in a row, as head coach at UCLA, an unprecedented feat. Within this period, his teams won a record 88 consecutive games. He was named national coach of the year six times. The first thing he would do with his players that came to work with the “Wizard of Westwood” as he was called was to teach them to put on their socks. What is the big deal about loose socks? A loose sock causes blisters. You don’t win championships with players with blisters. With loose socks your failure locks.

With loose socks, your failure locks.

Tight sight makes it right.

What this means is that I help organizations become so clear that they know now when they are off course, instead of a months or years when some damage in irreversible.

  1. I help them become aware of the obstacles and loose socks that have been creating the blisters that sabotage success
  2. Then I help design strategy to overcome them
  3. Finally I manage a diligent implementation process to assure results.
  • Edison at VHA Corp’s loose socks were sloppy questions focused on his service, instead of client need.  Tightening up those questions led to a 30% increase in sales in 6 weeks.
  • Steve at Standard Investment’s loose sock was a faulty strategy to high-net individuals, thinking all they cared about was more money. After tightening up he gained 2 new clients within 60 days that doubled his business.
  • VHA Corporation’s loose socks was a culture where candor was asked for, but  if acted on. Tightening up there looked like an intentional process where the unsaid conversations were said so the key role players could hear and act on it. This managed change and got the 150 employees to align and perform within their mandated vision and sustained unprecedented growth.

What is pressing for you and your organization at this time? Your fist step is to chunk your goals down to the absurd and make sure they are supporting and not sabotaging. Tighten up those loose socks. What do you and your team do every day that is taking away from the goal? Stop that. Having the sight to see those blister causing activities can transform your business. That is why tight sight makes it right. What should you and your team be doing EVERY DAY that would make all the difference in success? Start that today.

Doing what matters most, first. Simple, but not easy.

Increase Performance0 comments

I found a Covey video that really brings to life an article I wrote on time management. It’s six minutes. You will find that unless you make sure to plan your ‘Big Rocks’ first for the week and the day, you will not have room for what matters most. The pebbles of life will quickly gobble up the time you needed to have the life you say you want. Just in case you think you already plan, it’s simple to check if its true. Do you write down your weekly and daily 6 most important goals and schedule them on a consistent basis? Simple but not easy, and a total game changer.

 

The secret to life: Rejection from the Gap

Increase Performance6 comments

I once applied at the Gap for a job. I think I was still in HS at the time. They politely said no. So I thanked them and left and came back the next day. They said nothing changed, and they would let me know if they had an opening. I thanked them and left and came back the next day. They assured me nothing would change in a day and not to bother coming back the next day as nothing would change. I thanked them and left and came back the next day. This time the manager was pretty annoyed at me. Told me he didn’t have time to talk to me as he already told me many times they have nothing available and to go away. I thanked him and left and came back the next day. This time though something different happened. It was if the absurdity of it all was setting in. He thought it was funny and actually smiled. He still didn’t have a job, but the manager started to get that I meant business. He said nothing changed. I thanked him and left and came back the next week. This time they set up an appointment to interview me. I came back for the interview a week or so later and got the job. Ironically I actually got a better offer in the middle of this process with a local bike shop that my uncle owned, so I didn’t actually take the job.

Here are some take away’s from this little story.

One: Because they weren’t hiring I was the only one applying. This makes my odds of getting hired actually better then if they were hiring and there were a 100 other applicants! Where do you want to work? Why wait for them to post a job available? Go and find something you offer that they didn’t know they need right now.

Two: This same principle can be used for anything in life. Do you wait to be offered what you have always wanted? Are you waiting for the job, the relationship, the recognition to show up in as a help wanted ad? Stop it! Get off your butt and what you know you can do, even if it’s applying at a company that isn’t hiring. “Luck favors the bold”.

Three: As a kid you had a fantastic strategy to get what you wanted from mom and others. You just asked. They you asked again. Then you pleaded. Then you coerced. Then you promised things. Then you cried. It was very effective then, I’d say you had at least a 50% closing ratio back then. Imagine that kind of ratio today in your business if you would just lay aside your pride and not take a no like you did as a kid! You can have more tact then a kid. Yes, more tact.

Four: Going for all I knew that was available seemingly opened up opportunities that I didn’t even knew existed. Go for what you know right now! Sure it might not be enough to satisfy your needs, but taking those first steps and climbing that stupid little hill will leave you on higher ground with a better view. It might not be where you want to end up, but you would have never known the right way to turn unless you went that “wrong way”.

Extra bit, because I just got myself excited: Forge ahead! Be silly and wrong and stupid and unrelenting and willing to be seen as desperate and brass and unreasonable and contradicting to what you said a week ago!

I say throw out the molds and the rules that keep you cooped up in a neat little life that you are dying in.

Just a thought. You can borrow it if you think it fits.

The 10 Minute Meeting to Get Things Done

Increase Performance, Leadership Training2 comments

Rockhurst University recently contracted me for some trainings. I had a chance to record a portion of a strategy that enables you to compress time and expand resources through regular intentional meetings with your people. If you regularly schedule this 10 minute meeting with your team, or if you are your team then with  yourself, you will be shocked with the solutions and procedures that come from it. Stick with it as a weekly habit and develop your own policies that will assure results for you every time.

This video is just a glimpse of one of the ten strategies that make up Business Growth Mastery that will transform your business into a self-sustaining  money making machine.

If you enjoy the video, then HERE to take advantage of the no-cost Clarity Assessment that will get you clear and get you moving toward your goals.

 

3 magic words to get what you want: “How – Can – I ?”

Getting What You Want Insight, Increase Performance, Leadership Training0 comments

A small shift can make the biggest difference.

Can you feel the difference between if you were asked “what’s going on?” and “what’s wrong with you?”

Can you imagine that changing the end of your advertising message from  “Operators are standing by” to “If busy, please call again.” could increase sales by 400%?

How about the amazing the difference from hearing “I love you” and “I love you, but…”

Too often we are so focused on the big result, the big payday, the big client, or the big paycheck, that we leave unattended the small things that make the big things up. 

Today I would like to give you one small thing that will make a big difference in your life and the lives of those around you. 

It is “How can I?”

What do you want for this meeting we are in? A new client? A capable employee? The next big idea? How are you going about getting what you want? Do you even know what you want? Assuming that you do know, what are you asking yourself? i assure you that you are asking yourself something. Is it, “I hope I get that new client.” Or maybe, “I wish it were easier to find good people.” Or maybe, “I will try to make some good connections tonight.” Notice anything frilly and without backbone there? I hope so. Either way, listen up. 

Consider that what you say does matter. Consider that your words are a window into your soul and your belief system and such the blue print of your destiny. If this is true, hoping, wishing or trying is just as good as dreaming and playing the lottery. Its fantasy. I would like to propose a simple solution. 

Simple things are can be tricky. They are easy to do, and easy… not to do. 

Replace your wishing and hoping and trying and dreaming with, “How can I?” As far as the neuro-science goes, this sets you up for not a dream, but real life action. “How can I” sets you up to look for something new, and do something new and the result of those two things is getting a new result. 

How can I get that new client?” .. Really, how can you? I don’t care about the reasons you can’t. That isn’t my question. My question is How CAN you? Let your mind search for the answer. Ask it over and over. 

How can I find the people I need to do my business?” Really, how can you? I don’t care about the reasons you can’t. That isn’t my question. My question is How CAN you? Let your mind search for the answer. Ask it over and over. 

How can I make the sales numbers I want?” Really, how can you? I don’t care about the reasons you can’t. That isn’t my question. My question is How CAN you? Let your mind search for the answer. Ask it over and over. 

From here on out, no more wishing, wanting, hoping or dreaming of what you really want. Stop it. From here its about action that will make it rea. And to start the process to assure success, just use these three magic words, “How Can I?

Learning productivity through a mayonnaise jar and 2 beers

Increase Performance2 comments

My sister sent this story to me. Thanks sis!

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours

in a day are not enough, remember the Mayonnaise Jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front

of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and

empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then

asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The

professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar

He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas

between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was

full.

They agreed that it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and

poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a

unanimous, “Yes!” The professor then produced two Beers from under the

table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling

the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor as the laughter subsided, “I want you to

recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the

important things – your family, your children, your health, your

friends and your favorite passions – and if everything else was lost

and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are

the other things that matter, like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else – the small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no

room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you

spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have

room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the

things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your

children. Spend time with your parents.”

“Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your

spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to

clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first

– the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just

sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer

represented. The professor smiled and said, “I’m glad you asked. The

Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s

always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.”

3 Steps To Keep Momentum and Win In Life

Creating the Unprecedented, Increase Performance, Self Development0 comments

In the thousands of hours of coaching over the years, I have found these 3 steps will help you keep the momentum and finish strong on your journey in your best life ever. They are simple, yet profound.
1. Recognize where and how you are doing good right now. Celebrate that.
2. Focus on your goals
3. Remind yourself of who you choose to be and then change your behavior in this moment so that you are acting like it.
Step One:
Recognize that you are winning and Celebrate!
It is in the state of exhilaration that challenges are overcome and new creation happens. To get exhilarated you just need to stop and recognize everything in your life that is great. I promise its there if you look hard enough.
So, take a deep breath in…. then out… and allow yourself to recognize that you are doing great.
You went to Trotter’s workshop. You hired a coach. You are doing the work. you have that list of be, do, have’s and your top five accomplishments. Tell yourself “great job, you are awesome and on your way!” and mean it.

Step Two:
Focus on your goals! You need to have your exact goal in mind when you wake up. You need to have your goal in mind when you go to sleep too. You need to have beliefs about yourself that help you do what it takes. Too many beliefs that we tell ourselves influence us to quit. If you think different thoughts about yourself you will act and feel differently.
In case you haven’t done much work on exactly what you want to do, or who you want to be, here is a helpful exercise to get clear.
Write out 30 characteristics that you want to BE, 30 things you want to DO, and 30 things you want to HAVE.
  1. BE’s. Think of all the people you admire. Real or fiction. Dead or alive. What are the characteristics that they possess that attract you? Brave, confident, loving, creative, perceptive, smart, persistent, hard working, revolutionary, etc… Write the characteristics ‘you would like to be’ down till you have 30 of them. You start to design your own beliefs by changing the “I would like to be” with “I am”. Instead of “I would like to be intentional”, now it is “I am intentional”. Instead of “I would like to be adventurous” say “I am adventurous”. Choose to be that in this moment! Declare it and then ask, “What would I do if I was adventurous and intentional in this moment?” And then do that. This is how you create yourself to be how you wish you were. 🙂 The more you remind yourself who you would like to be and act accordingly (even if you don’t feel like it!) the more natural it will become. Then one day, you get told, “I wish I was as adventurous as you, but that is just your personality, I can’t be like you.” Then you will laugh and know how far you’ve come.
  2. For your DO’s and HAVE’s. Go down each of them and write a 1, 5, or a 10 to the right of them. These are one, five and ten year goals. If you think it will take a year or less, put a one. Five or less, put a five. More then Five, put a ten. Then while BEING the woman in you have chosen, go after year one goals!
Step Three:
Remind yourself often that you are able and will accomplish your goal! Allow yourself to imagine the accomplishment of your dreams. Feel how good that will be. If you repeat this process when you get up and when you go to bed, this alone will change your life. I promise. The thing about it is that it’s too easy to do. Becuase it is easy to do, its also easy NOT to do. So, don’t get caught up on how simple this sounds. JUST DO IT! Again, I promise this will revolutionize your life.
This process is called belief design. The purpose of designing a belief is to support you and equip you to engage in your life so that you get what you want. You are creating new thought patterns that promote new actions that give you a better life then you have had in the past. It all starts with your thinking.
I wrote an article with this in mind. Use the link below to get to the post to read it and create your affirmation that will support you in your chosen path.

These things are easy to do and easy not to do. Remember all the ways you are doing great. Nothing and no one can stop you from having the life you want, save you. I am excited to be a part of you getting there. Feel free to contact me for the free consultation to see how Perra Consulting Group can support you to get you where you want to go.

8 Criteria To Designing The Beliefs That Unconsciously Control You

Featured, Increase Performance2 comments

Designed beliefs are commonly referred to as affirmations. And just in case you are about to tune out with, “Affirmations?! Does that fluffy, weird stuff even work??” give me a couple minutes. You’ll thank me afterward.

Whether you are already on board the affirmation bandwagon, or think it is a bunch of bull-pucky, you are already participating in belief design, even as you read this.

“What!” … Yes its true. Sorry. You are already one of ‘those people’ that do affirmations. Consider this story.

Not so long back I had a meeting with a client and it didn’t go like I hoped it would. Ok, I felt it was a disaster! Hours and days after that meeting I brought back the meeting to my memory and felt the pain of it all over again. My most painful thoughts were things like “I really blew that one” and “I screwed up again” and “I won’t get that business back” or “I wish I would have…” or “I can’t believe I said that!” or just “Uhhhhh!” I think you get the picture. Depending on how much I wanted to suffer, I would think these thoughts over and over and be so focused on that one event that I missed experiencing every other wonderful event going on in my life.

Can you relate in some degree to this? If so, your beliefs set you up to win or lose. If you can’t or haven’t ever experienced this, you either lie like a rug, or should be my next guru. Please contact me if you are the latter.

Our repeated thoughts, AKA beliefs, control how we engage in the world around us. A strong belief that people will accept me and a belief that I will win sets me up to ignore contrary evidence. These beliefs help me engage in life and keep on engaging until I get what I want. In contrast, a strong belief that I will be rejected and I will probably lose sets me up to see the abundant evidence that this is also true. This set of beliefs can lead me to quit. At best, I may say, “This is just how it is for me.” It is common to submit to a life that is merely tolerable and slap a label of “happy” on it. This is not happy.

So how do you design a new belief? One answer is affirmations.

A belief is a thought or idea that past the filter of the conscious mind to the subconscious mind. Once there the subconscious will repeats that idea over and over and over. This unconscious repetition creates what we call a feeling or a belief. If the thought or idea focuses on what we want it is a good feeling. If the thought or idea focuses on what we do not want it is a bad feeling. It is that simple.

A thought gets through the conscious to the subconscious in three main ways.

  • The First Way: Your first ideas get to the subconscious. As a kid you didn’t know any better. You didn’t have prominent beliefs yet. Your well intending authorities, helpful or unhelpful, gave their ideas as true and were accepted fully by you as “True”. This is a scary, since the only barrier to entry to get to this position of authority is to be able to procreate.
  • The Second Way: Emotionally Charged Ideas get to the subconscious. Any thought consistently feared or revered becomes a belief and ends up unconsciously guiding what you see.
  • The Third Way: Repeated Ideas get to the subconscious. This is the self-talk that we do all the time.

Belief design focuses on the 2nd and 3rd way. It is a chosen thought that is repeated enough times to over-power former ideas that didn’t work as well. Note the old belief doesn’t go away. This explains a lot about curious human behavior. I will write more about that at a later time.

The idea behind using affirmations as a tool to getting-what-you-want is to consciously overpower subconscious beliefs that are not working for you with new beliefs that work.

Another way to say all this is, choosing who you are will influence what you do, which in turn influences/creates what you have. This order creates fulfillment and full engagement and being READY now. This is a great alternative to continually striving for some vague criteria to accomplish, so that “one day” you will be ready.

HOW TO MAKE AN EFFECTIVE AFFIRMATION

8 Criteria To Effective Belief Design:

#1. Have an affirmation for each of your clear goals.

I cannot stress the importance of having a clear goal. A tool I use to make sure goals are clear enough to be helpful is the S.M.A.R.T. acronym.

  • S: Is your goal Specific?
  • M: Is it Measureable? Or can you know for sure if you do or don’t accomplish it. (“Be happier” is a tough one to distinguish. I wouldn’t settle for that one.)
  • A: Attractive. Do you really want this goal? Are you willing to go through the pain of transformation to get this?
  • R: Realistic. Is this an attainable goal with your current skill set, time and resources?
  • T: Timely. Is this goal possible to accomplish in a small enough time frame? Maybe you can chunk it down to smaller peaces of that main big goal.

I like to add Unprecedented (never happened before for you) and Bold (Daring) as well to the mix. This leaves you with “U B SMART” to remember the whole thing.

#2. Start with “I am” to bring into present tense.

This is what made my negative rant I opened this with so powerful. I’d say to myself, “I can’t believe (present tense) I did that!” over and over. Here is a positive version. “I am making $100,000 a year” not “I will be making $100,000.”

#3. Make it a positive declaration.

“I don’t want to hate my wife”, doesn’t work. The subconscious does hear negatives. So it would just hear the request to, “Hate my wife”, which is most likely not a useful belief.

#4. Use Action Verbs.

“I am living, making, earning, loving,” etc.

#5. Keep the statement brief.

#6. Include at least one feeling word that reflects the emotion of having achieved the goal.

“I am excited to, thankfully, gratefully, happily,” etc.

#7. Design your beliefs for yourself only, not others.

“I am so happy my wife massages me daily and is actively learning how to serve me better every day,” doesn’t work. You make goals for you to do.

#8. Repeat for 30 days… AT LEAST 30 DAYS.

According to a NASA study, it takes 25 to 30 days to create the new neural pathways necessary to see the world differently. It’s best to say your affirmation in the morning when first get up and evening as go to bed.  And when you do it, make sure to imagine how great it will be. Emotion AND repetition is the perfect recipe for new creation.

Here is an example.

I am so thankful to easily and effortlessly be making $100,000 a year as a keynote speaker.

Now it is your turn! Get clear on what you want and go through the eight steps to get an effective affirmation that will set you up to win. Email me or post your affirmation on this blog when you finish.

My affirmation that I say every morning before I get up and every evening when I finally lay down is:

“God is my infinite supply. He easily sends large sums of money to me as I easily and effortlessly make $100,000 a month speaking and coaching.”

Thinking about that one feels great! Can’t wait to hear yours. 🙂

Cheers,

Jevon

Getting past “what isn’t supposed to be” [part 2]

Increase Performance, Leadership Training, Life Insight0 comments

My last blog was ‘My thoughts on what is not supposed to be.” I related my embarrassing tale of my unsuccessful attempt to get back my ex-girlfriend and my interaction with the hairy man in his boxers that did get the girl. If you missed that, read 12/31/10 blog first.

There is a freeing power in accepting the events, people and the choices of your past. And I mean accepting everything fully. Even the stuff as painful as loosing the girl that you broke up with to teach her a lesson! Then the girl get a new boyfriend instead of begging to come back! … I mean, generally speaking that is. Anyway… We spoke of the peace and freedom that comes from accepting everything that happened REALLY WAS the way it was SUPPOSED TO BE.

I just want to acknowledge how inconsistent that may sound. If that is so for you, I would like to add this distinction. The way “it” is “supposed to be” is not same as the way “I prefer” “it” to be. Making these two statements synonymous will bring you much sorrow. I say, when you choose to say of anything that it is exactly the way it is “supposed to be”, you free yourself from a heavy weight. The weight is from attempting to change what really is. It is like saying “I am not in Missouri” when I am standing in the state of Missouri just because I freezing in the cold weather that comes in January when you are there. I will bring much suffering to myself by making my mantra “I shouldn’t be in Missouri!”. It is really insanity to even consider that such a repeated thought about an un-preferred situation will bring me something that I do prefer. Yet if I were to accept the reality of the sub-zero temperatures there in Missouri and choose to shift my attention to, “How do I get to California?”, I would soon notice how much energy and creativity would instantly be created. I would instantly see countless opportunities to get what I want that were previously hidden due to my resistance to how reality was not what it was supposed to be.

What causes our suffering is not the circumstances of the world around us, but our beliefs of the world around us. When we believe that something should be different than it is (“My husband should love me more,” “My wife should appreciate me”, “My dog shouldn’t have peed on my pillow”) we suffer, and when we don’t believe these thoughts, we feel peace.

Now pay attention here. This is when we turn the corner from ashes to beauty.

What happens when you allow yourself to accept it all as perfect? And by perfect I mean that it happened exactly the way it was supposed to happen. What happens? …You finally take your eyes off of that tragedy of the past, all that stuff you do not prefer and enable yourself to look at where life is at this moment.

Taking your eyes off of the life you don’t want and on to the life you do is almost the whole battle.

The great Apostle said, “I want you to be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil.” In other words, don’t spend any energy on the bad stuff! You create more of that which you focus on. We think we are protecting ourself by focusing on all that we don’t want in our life. We think that this will help us, so we can know how to avoid it. But this is exactly the opposite! Our conscious brain has a limit to what it can think about at any given time. It is from 3 to 40 bits of information at a time. Not a whole lot. When we are looking out for all the problems you know are there, you take up the limited awareness space with looking for those problems. And trust me, if you look there is always a problem or something you don’t prefer to find. The price you pay is all the possibility that is missed because your problems became your focus. Allow me to illustrate.

The closest star to the planet Earth is the sun. It is so big, if you hollowed out the sun you could fit 1.3 million Earths inside of it and still have room to spare! Despite this nearly inconceivable size, if you hold up your thumb close enough to your eye you can blot it entirely out of the sky. And so with the painful events of our life. If we keep spending our energy on readdressing and pondering over these events we can entirely blot out the rich, exciting and fulfilling life that is also right in front of us. But we don’t even see it! All we see is problems. Just changing where you put your attention can enable you to see the life hiding behind your horrible story.

T.S. Eliot, arguably the most important English-language poet of the 20th century, masterfully captured this when he said, “We must not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time.”

I think this is what Isaiah was getting at when he told this to the Israelite people.

“He sent me to preach good news to the poor, 
heal the heartbroken, announce freedom to all captives, 
pardon all prisoners. … and to comfort all who mourn, …
give them beauty instead of ashes, 
Messages of joy instead of news of doom, 
a praising heart instead of a languid spirit. 
…They’ll rebuild the old ruins, 
raise a new city out of the wreckage. 
They’ll start over on the ruined cities, 
take the rubble left behind and make it new.”
– Isaiah 61, The Bible

You are that city. This is your calling. It is to take this life, even the parts you would consider ruined, and say, “The past is how it was supposed to be since there is no changing it and the future is just the result of what I choose now.” If we could really believe this, we would free ourselves. We’d be freed from the crippling weight of a self-imposed responsibility to change an event that doesn’t exist anymore. This is because it is in the past! And only place a past event can still exist is in your mind.

So how can you have the best life ever even when all hell is breaking out around you? The first step is accepting that what is happening around you is supposed to be happening. Giving yourself permission to do this will free you from finding all you don’t want and to see the optimal life and opportunity that is right in front of you. Keep your eyes on your vision. Don’t waist an ounce of energy on the thousand reasons why you will fail or what is or has been “wrong”. Instead, I recommend following the great apostle’s advice:

I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.”
The letter to the Philippians 4, The Bible

Jesus from Galilee, the great teacher said, “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” Notice Jesus did not say ‘I will fix the world’. The world is going to stay the way it is. Your issues are as they should be. Here is the beauty from ashes.

Your issues are real AND you can choose life.

The Man from Galilee was a beautiful example of overcoming and being life in the midst of a world of many issues. A world the way I think it “should be” (the way I’d prefer) is not available at this time. But, you are called to a higher life to be “IN, but not OF the world.” You, like the rest of the happy people in the world, are called to overcome the perfect trials in this world. And every time you do, every time you take your attention off the issues and put your attention onto the life you have and you’d prefer, you become more peaceful, more joyful, more excited, more loving and life gets better.

Experiment with this. You will love it!

In fact, once you get on board with this concept, it works so well that it’s almost like the world is exactly the way it should be.

So What!
If you suffer, or are stuck and can’t get going, Contact Me.
Along with getting my clients results, first I get people unstuck. And along the way I help free you from your suffering.

To your success,
– Jevon

What really isn’t “supposed to be”.

Increase Performance, Leadership Training, Life Insight0 comments

“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse… Therefore, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink…
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
– Paul of Tarsus, in letter to the Romans, The Bible

“You will get beauty from ashes”
– Hebrew Scripture

***

Seriously, when I read these ancient texts, and there are many like it, my first thought is, “That is ridiculous!” How can you love and bless and carry on like nothing is wrong in a world that isn’t the way it is supposed to be and full of people not doing what they are supposed to do?

“But that is not how it’s SUPPOSED TO BE!” came crashing through my skull as I stood there with a rose in front of the hairy man in his boxers. He had just answered the door in response to my intense knocking. “Uuuuuh, is Stacy there?”, I tentatively asked, praying to God he’d say, “Oh! You are looking for my sister, Stacy! Oh yea! She has been talking about you all day long!” Instead my fears were getting confirmed by the hairy man in his boxers saying, “Oh, yea. She’s in the shower. Can I help you?”

So there I stood with my rose, swimming in the shock of what looked like the end of a perfectly beautiful fantasy that I had created. Stacy had been my girlfriend [her name is has been changed for her protection ;)]. I was not the best boyfriend in the world. My downfalls were not limited to trying to control her life and making her what I wanted her to be, regardless of what she wanted. She got noticeably unhappy by the end of six months of this. I picked up on it and decided I would teach her a lesson and break up with her. I figured she would shape up and come running back to me after I took away my precious presence from her life. This would also help her to realize how thankful she should be to have such a wonderful man, such as myself as a boyfriend. Well, I’ll cut out a chunk of this miserable story, mostly of me being depressed, and return to me still standing there, awkward and speechless.

“So, you want me to tell her you are here? … Who are you?”, said the hairy man in the boxers that stood in Stacy’s doorway.

“Oh… I’m…. uh…No. … uuuummm… just give her … this,” I hand out my rose, “Will you?”… That’s right. In case you missed it, I gave the guy that got the girl that I wanted a rose. I gave him a rose and then walked away. Not a proud moment of my life.

The next six months after that event I was so depressed I remember spending whole afternoons laying on the floor of the little hole of a studio I lived in, unable to face the world. I tormented myself with a thousand variations of, “This is not how it is supposed to be!”

This may be a hard pill to swallow, so brace yourself. Any time we are not at peace, depressed or not acting on love (fearful, anxious, frustrated, angry, etc) it is due to our commitment to a story that something is NOT SUPPOSED TO BE a certain way.

My disappointment from that story came from comparing the life that was unfolding in front of me (reality) with the life I had made up in my mind (fantasy). My fantasy life was exciting. It was so great I was convinced everyone, including Stacy, would obviously be on board. The hairy man in the boxers showed me otherwise. His un-manscaped presence was not preferable at all! At that time, I decided to resist reality and hold on to my fantasy. This thinking was birthed from my pain and suffering. I really thought this was best. But this is not how you create the life you would prefer. This is not how you see the abundance that the great teachers have promised.

I love what the author of the international best seller Loving What Is, Byon Katie says. “How do I know that the wind should be blowing? Because it is… Whenever I argue with reality I lose, but only 100% of the time.” I was arguing with the reality that was Stacy moving on with the follicly blessed dude. In resisting this reality, the pain of not getting what I wanted turned into sorrow and depression.

Spiritual teacher, speaker and writer Eckhart Tolle said in his work A NEW EARTH, “If there is nothing you can do, face what is and say, “Well, right now, this is how it is. I can either accept it, or make myself miserable… The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about the situation. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is.” This is a truth that has echoed across cultures and across millennia.
Epictetus in his Enchiridion: “We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.”
Shakespeare in Hamlet: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
Viktor Frankl in Man’s Search for Meaning: “…Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

At this point you be tempted to challenge this and come up with an experience that really shouldn’t have happened. What about break ups, betrayals or even the horrific choices of rape, molestation and murder? That definitely should not have happened, right?!

Yes. Those events cause much pain and sorrow. Acts of hate and fear are never justified. My heart goes out for those of you who have gone through such experiences. My own trauma pales in comparison to many of you.

When I was around 8 years old, the teenage girl baby-sitting me told me she wanted to show me something fun if I promised to keep it a secret. I thought that was fair and agreed. I don’t recall how many times she watched me, but she regularly introduced me to a number of sexual acts when my parents where gone. In the years that followed I carried around a heavy burden of big secret. I had made up that telling my mom would be too painful for her, so I kept myself all alone with my guilt and shame. My thinking at the time left me responsible for these events. I was stuck all alone with this painful secret. For fear of getting too close to speaking ‘the unspeakable” truth, I ended up shutting down any topic that might possibly get back to that ugly truth. My relationship with my mom and I felt distant and kept me even more alone with shame.

How does a person elevate in a world in which each of us has been tormented in some way through choices of another? When we come to the conclusion, “my life is not the way it is supposed to be”, it is from reasoning based in fear. Fear of us moving on and letting go of the past. I was fearful of how my mom would react if I told her. I had even made up that I would be completely rejected and she wouldn’t love me any more. This is quite a long cry from the reality of a little kid getting taken advantage.

Sometimes its the fear of not getting what we think we need, so we just take it from someone else, unaware or apathetic to the damage that is done. It’s important to see that each of us has been tormented and been the tormentor in some way through similar acts fueled by fear. This dynamic often happens without awareness. On some level we all have been hurt and have hurt others. My mom reached out to me a thousand times and cared for me only to be rewarded with a distant son. I was hurt and unknowingly I passed on the hurt. So how can we move forward and choose the optimum life in spite of the horrors that happened or that we committed?

We can wish something were different. We can replay what we should have done a thousand times. In my six months of depression from loosing Stacey, I know I hit the replay button in my mind 10,000 times! But does anything change about that past event? Even if you find more and more reasons why it should not have happened? Does anything change when you reject yet another person for fear of getting hurt again?

No.

Maybe you ask, “How can you say that reality is good? What about war, rape, poverty, violence, and child abuse? Are you condoning them?”
Byron Katie answers this question too in her book. “How could I condone them? I simply notice that if I believe they shouldn’t exist when they do exist, I suffer. Can I just end the war in me? Can I stop raping myself and others with my abusive thoughts and actions? If not, I’m continuing in myself the very thing I want to end in the world. I start with ending my own suffering, my own war. This is a life’s work.”

There is a freeing power in accepting the events, people and the choices of your past. And I mean accepting everything fully. Accepting everything that happened REALLY WAS the way it was SUPPOSED TO BE. If that is true, the hairy man in boxers was supposed to answer that door and take my rose. The evidence that I have that this is true is that it happened.

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