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Reverse Engineering Happiness/Success

Business Growth, Creating the Unprecedented, Life Insight, power of words, Reinvent Yourself, Sales, Self Development, words0 comments

The quickest way to happiness is changing the words you use.

This is hard to imagine at first, but I’ve found it to be true. Out of the mouth comes the overflow of the heart, revealing what you truly believe. I think most can grasp that concept. If someone is consistently speaking hateful words you can deduce they are hurting and fearful inside. Here’s a secret. We can reverse engineer that same process. Reverse engineering the perfect life works by using the words first and letting your heart catch up.

The words we say are the easiest to dismiss as powerful since they are so easy to produce. It’s easy to say the words, “I love you” or say the words “I hate you”. The affect they have on the inside is profoundly different though. What are the words you use without thinking? Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements talks about being impeccable with your words is the most important task. When we fill our conversation to ourself and others with lots of grace and understanding and love our life suddenly is full of grace and understanding and love. When we fill our conversation to ourself with judgment and ridicule and punishment our life becomes a self made hell.

I do real estate mortgages for work. Mortgages now a days are very difficult since there is a lot of moving parts and regulation. Recently a purchase loan was made very late from other people’s mistakes. The monetary penalty of being late was taken on by me though,  not the consumers that caused the delay. At that point I could have used a number of words to talk to myself and others. My words determine my experience in the moment. “This is not my fault. This was their mistake. They should have paid the penalty, not me. This/they/it is ridiculous. I am so frustrated/angry/depressed/stressed!” These words bring me a bad experience. I am committed to love my life and love others the best I can. From that commitment to myself I was able to use different words. “I can learn from this experience to set better expectations with my clients. The buyers are not the experts, I am. I am becoming a better lender every day from these perfect lessons. I am so thankful that this extra expense doesn’t hinder my way of life. I have an abundance. I am going to do what it takes to make this tricky deal a good experience for my employees and clients.” Even when I write those words I feel my mood shift to a much lighter state from the previous judgmental and negative state. It feels so much better. And since both sides can be equally as true, why not choose the one that feels the best?

Experiment with this. Look for the authentic ways to talk about your life in a positive way and watch your experience of your life lighten and become instantly more enjoyable. The more you enjoy your life and yourself the more enjoyable you will be to others. The more enjoyable you are to others, the more favor you will have in your world. The more favor you have, the easier you will get all you want. It starts with your words though. Easy.

 

How to choose an exciting new year.

Creating the Unprecedented, Reinvent Yourself0 comments

The father of following your bliss, Joseph Campbell said, “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.”

Many of us have suffered loss and disappointment this last year, or maybe in this life so far. I am proposing an idea that you can let all that pain go if you choose. I can imagine that seems rude or insensitive to suggest that you can choose to let the pain from your past go. You may be thinking, “I can’t just let go of this pain. My loss happened TO me. I didn’t control that. I can’t make it go away. I can’t change it.”

You are right. And please consider, could it be possible that the disappointment and loss that we have suffered can be exactly the way it is AND we choose to live life today as if we have never been hurt and disappointed even though we have. Maybe you can relate, I have thought that if my loss, disappointment, failure or whatever hadn’t happened, then I would be able to be happy, successful, whatever. This belief is the problem.

This last year was an intense year for me. Along with the normal challenges of money and career, my grandfather and my close first cousin that was the same age as passed away. I planned for my loved ones to be successful, healthy and happy. Then they weren’t. Sometimes this is enough to derail an entire life. Have you ever thought you couldn’t openly be happy and successful because someone else you care about was miserable?

Campbell talks about letting go the “life we have planned”. This is an essential element of highly effective people and also of happy people. It’s letting the life you have be ok and then going for the life you prefer. You have to let go what you thought you wanted when you can no longer have it. Only after you let go of a past you can’t change anyway do you free yourself up to create and embrace a future that you would prefer.

Here is my new years wish for you. I wish and pray that you are able to be independent of the good or the bad from your past. Use your past as lessons to make better decisions today. And don’t use your past as an excuse that you can no longer go for what you want because you have “learned” that you only get hurt when you risk. Love and give and risk because of who it makes you. When you love in spite of being hurt you learn to love in a deeper way. When you give in spite of there being no chance of your gift being reciprocated you experience the intrinsic joy of giving. When you risk with no assurance of success, you experience the exhilaration of life that only comes from risk and doing something that you are scared to do.

So happy new year! Choose to make it the most loving, most giving, most exciting year that you have ever chosen to have.

How to reinvent yourself and flip your “success switch”.

Reinvent Yourself, Your Success Switch2 comments


Reinventing yourself is not as big of a shift as you think. I went from non-profit worker to a top salesman to a sales trainer to a corporate communications trainer to a human behavior specialist. The key is to do what you can where you are at, and take the steps you can to move to where you want to be. Just continue to do no more then what you know now, and sometimes seemingly magically you’ll know what to do next when that future time comes.

In response to a friend wanting to go from managing to training, here is what I shared with her. It’s a system I used. The most important part is to start RIGHT NOW with what you can do. Even though there may be more that you can’t do right now, stop focusing on all of that. Seriously, stop it. Focus on what you can do RIGHT NOW. What can you do? Then think a bit about what you successfully do at this point in your career. Document and systematize these things that you continually accomplish.

Here is your steps to Reinvent Yourself:

  1. Start a list of all the training that you do and have done.
  2. Get clear on the results it has produced.
  3. Come up with a system that you used, or make up a system based on your normal habits that could be replicable. As in, someone else could follow these steps and get the same results.
  4. Now put those “systems” as part of your resume with the results that you can replicate where ever you go and post it on monster.
  5. Connect with people you know (email, Facebook, Linked in) and find out what is out there that could hire a trainer.
  6. Don’t wait for people to hire, start to pursue where you want to work by building a case that hiring you would increase value and lower costs because you are that good at training.

You may not like where you are at, but you never have to be a victim. You are powerful. You can create the life you want as long as you go one step at a time.

One step past where you stop is your success.

Creating the Unprecedented, Reinvent Yourself0 comments

A talented  trainer from Minus Zero Trainings and good friend of mine named Thinh was sharing with me what he noticed about himself and I thought, “That is me too!” He said, “Notice where you stop. That is where you have placed your own limitations.”

So, where do you stop?

How many times do you ask for what you want before you tell yourself to stop by saying, “I don’t want to bother them (be rude, pushy, needy, etc.).”

Where do you stop?

How many times to you try to accomplish your goals and dreams before you quit with an excuse like, “This is just not for me”, “I just can’t do it”, “I can’t look that foolish“, “The economy is too bad for this”, or “I just don’t know the right people”, “If I was like that other guy I could, but…”

Where do you stop?

Notice those around you that seem to succeed more then you. Notice how they make requests and repeatedly attempt their goals again and again. Pay special attention to the things they say and do that make you cringe. What do they do that you would “never” do, because it is too risky or un-calculated? What do they say that you would “never” say, because it is too rude or pushy?

If this resonates with you, try being a bit more rude, pushy and risky. Notice where stop and try going a bit further. It just might work out for you.

Reasons or Results. You choose.

Business Growth, Reinvent Yourself0 comments

If you are unaware of an obstacle you do not even have the option to overcome it, or avoid it. Awareness is the first step to removing the obstacles we have to unprecedented results.

The secret to success is a question, not an answer.

Business Growth, Reinvent Yourself0 comments

Consider that asking yourself the question “Is it possible” will keep you stuck in the results that you have always had. Now, would you consider shifting that question a bit to “How can I accomplish my unreasonable goal?” Like my friend Dan Tocchini says, “I’d rather fail at the impossible then succeed at the probable”. It often pays better too.